The Thrill of Gatekeeping

Discovering Freedom in My Hidden Substack

Dear Substack Friend,

There’s something delightfully freeing about keeping my Substack away from the prying eyes of friends and family. It’s my little sanctuary on the internet, a place where I can share my innermost thoughts without the worry of sideways glances or those well-meaning but slightly intrusive messages from people who’ve known me since my teenage years. I’m talking about those who recall the time I tried to dye my hair platinum and black to emulate Xtina, but ended up looking more like Cruella de Vil.

I recently posted a note expressing my feelings on this very topic, and the response was striking. It was as if a collective sigh of relief swept through my readers. Many echoed my sentiments, revealing that Substack offers them a refuge from the watchful eyes of their closest circles. This reaction got me thinking: Why do we find it easier to open up to strangers online than to those who know us intimately?

Is it merely about anonymity? While that certainly plays a role, there’s something more profound at work. Anonymity allows us to present our raw selves without fear of judgment. But there’s a deeper layer: our online personas often escape the roles and expectations that family and friends impose on us. We’re not just hiding behind screens—we’re shedding the labels of “the responsible one” or “the always-put-together one” that have followed us through life.

There’s also a profound sense of community that emerges from this anonymity. Though we may never meet in person, there’s a shared understanding and empathy that can transcend the limitations of our personal lives. This is not to say that relationships with friends and family are unimportant—they are foundational and deeply valued. But the freedom to explore and express oneself without the constraints of pre-existing roles or expectations can offer a different kind of connection. It’s a reminder that even within the vast expanse of the internet, meaningful and supportive relationships can flourish.

Another aspect of this experience is how it allows for growth and self-discovery. In the safety of this space, I’ve been able to grapple with new ideas, confront personal dilemmas, and celebrate small victories in ways I might not have been able to elsewhere. The feedback I receive is often a mirror reflecting aspects of myself I hadn’t fully acknowledged. This process of introspection and feedback is invaluable. It helps me evolve and refine my voice, not just as a writer, but as a person.

Consider this: when you’re writing for an audience that doesn’t know you personally, you have the freedom to explore and express parts of yourself that might feel stifled in your everyday interactions. It’s not just about the freedom to discuss passions or uncertainties without fear of misunderstanding; it’s about the liberty to reinvent how you present yourself. You aren’t constrained by the roles you play in your family or social circles. You can venture into new identities and perspectives without worrying about how they might shift people’s perceptions of you.

Different roles and identities, perfectly depicted by Dwight Shrute.

For me writing articles has become a sanctuary of sorts. It’s a place where I can confront and articulate my thoughts in ways I might not feel comfortable doing in face-to-face conversations. Here, I’m not bound by the expectations or roles that typically define my interactions with loved ones. Instead, I’m free to be authentic and introspective, knowing that my words are reaching others who, despite never having met me, might understand and empathise in a profound way.

C.S. Lewis once said, “We read to know we are not alone.” Maybe we write for a similar reason—to reach out into the void and hope that someone, somewhere, resonates with our thoughts. There’s something deeply satisfying about crafting a message that feels true to oneself and discovering that it strikes a chord with others. This shared understanding, even with strangers, can be incredibly validating.

Let’s embrace the hidden corners of the internet where we can be unapologetically ourselves. Substack has become a place where I can delve into the complexities of my identity and connect with others on a deeper level. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the most genuine connections are found not in the familiar, but in the shared experiences with those who understand us in ways we might not have expected.

So, here’s my invitation to you: embrace your own corner of the internet, whether it’s on Substack, a blog, or another platform where you can speak freely. Give yourself permission to explore and express the parts of yourself that you might hesitate to reveal in your everyday life. Share your passions, your uncertainties, and your unique perspective with a community that resonates with your voice.

Dive into that digital sanctuary and make it your own. Write openly, connect authentically, and let your words find their place in a world eager for genuine connection. You never know who might be waiting to hear exactly what you have to say. Sometimes, the most profound connections are just a click away.

So go ahead, start writing, and discover the freedom that comes with sharing your truest self. Your voice matters, and there’s a whole world out there ready to listen. Let’s create spaces where we can all be our authentic selves—online and beyond.

Kathryn (Joyful Sarcasm)